Three course meal of Bread crumbs

I came across the term Breadcrumbing the other day, and I was wondering yet again what it means, as new terms keep coming up. So if you haven’t heard this term before. Here’s the definition by Google

“Breadcrumbing” is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. “breadcrumbs”) to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it’s leading someone on.

And I was like, marvellous, what an interesting term that is, and then the next moment, epiphany hit me. Somehow, ‘the epiphany’ always feels like a slap on the face and a bag full of bricks. The bag full of bricks hits your head and stuns you. The slap on the face wakes you up from the stupor, and then comes the ‘Aha! Moment’.

This three course meal is followed by the phrase “so that’s why … now I get it” (this is the custard pudding).

After that, you are forever changed and always for the good. Unless you wish to go back into denial and be woken up later by a bigger bag of bricks and a tighter slap. The cycle shall continue until you grow out of it.

Bread-Crumbing, in essence, is not a new thing but rather an age-old thing, so much so that when I was speaking to an uncle of mine, he replied that it’s called tukde dena (piece giving) in Punjabi. So with that understanding, I went about reading more about Bread Crumbing, and it turns out that I had been on the receiving end of it without being aware of it.

And when you become aware of the name of a certain never-before-seen, it helps you put things into perspective. It helps you organise your brain. And the undiscovered becomes something that feels like you know because there is a name.

Now there are tell tale signs of breadcrumbing, and I’ve been tasked to reveal them to you…

• She/he shalt msgs thou once in a blue moon(or red or super moon ) and enquires about thy well-being, but doesn’t respond when you reply to them. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, right, you might think, as everyone is busy in their own lives. Many friends, too aren’t constantly in touch because of the busy schedule and the distances and work or personal obligations. But this is not that scenario. In this case, whenever you reply back they will not bother to look at your replies. Perhaps they read it in notifications or you might see a blue tick too. But they are only concerned with whether you respond back to them or not.
• He/she makes plans to meet, but right before the day of the meeting, they plan to cancel due to some excuse. Again, a nice person like yourself might give them the benefit of the doubt. But if it happens twice, thrice, then it would be stupid to think that they are actually interested in taking things forward with you. Most likely, they are just reminding you that you are nice.
• She/he will always give you a reply in maybes and  remain non-committal. You know what they say about maybe, it is the Britisher’s way of saying no. So if somebody keeps giving non-committal replies, it’s time to interpret it well and move forward (march left, right, left… out of their picture…), and understand that if you want something meaningful, then it's time for you to find someone else.
• Thou art always the one to initiate a conversation. So maybe you have been talking and even having a good conversation. But is it only happening when you initiate the conversation? There is a possibility that they are just being polite to you, and you are one of the options for them. A healthy relationship requires both you and them to give equal attention to each other.
• They shall reach out when Thou start to pull away. So you feel now that, since this is not going anywhere, you need to step back and reevaluate your life. And just when you step back, you start to get phone calls or msgs and start getting the attention. You check yourself, thinking that you were just overthinking, and maybe this is really good, and it's going somewhere. But before you know it, they are treating you the same way. This is a classic sign of bread-crumbing.

Why People are Bread Crumbing? Why ? why ? why?

Here’s a simple poem for you-

why?

because the sky is too high

and everyone loves a butterfly.

have a hot chai.

even in the month of July. I wish the answer were as simple as that the person bread-crumbing you is an evil person who wants to hurt you. But it's not that.

Firstly, bread crumbing is a behaviour that’s a reflection of the other person, so you never have to feel bad about it. The reasons behind them behaving in this manner could range from the fact that they are not mature to someone who seeks the attention of many people and i doing it on purpose, or to simply being an indecisive person who is trying to keep their options open.

Either way, the point is that once you have recognized it, you have the power to be in control of your life and decide to not be taken for granted.

What to do when people Breadcrumb you ?

The answer is simple.

• Call it out and have an honest conversation with them
• Tell them what you are seeking and understand what they want. If the behavior doesn’t change then its time to move forward and be thankful you did sooner.
• Some people might not be easy to have a conversation with when you call it out and thats okay. You don’t have to prove them anything and neither do you have to convince them of their behavior. You just have to take care of yourself.

Conclusion

There could be many take aways like you deserve to be happy, you deserve a healthy relationship and love and companionship. But really I can just sum it up in one sentence.

You deserve the best don’t settle for the rest.

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